The Prodigal Son

I recently went on a self imposed exile in order to evaluate facets of my life which may have been found wanting.

For some reason or another, since I attended CHOICE, most if not all of my confessions have been somewhat the most sincere conversations I have had in my lifetime with a fellow human being. Before my meandering away from the church for many a year, I approached confession as a tedious affair. Something I have to go through at least twice a year, pre-Christmas and pre-Easter.

Since returning to the fold like the prodigal son, I have tried to live life the way I'm supposed to. But alas, I am only human. I have yet to rid myself of all my vices which I have been comfortable with all the while. And it doesn't get easier either. From a free spirit who didn't give a damn about what was happening around him, to someone who needs to stop every few moments thinking if what I've just done or what I'm going to do is the right thing.

I guess having gone down this road where my colorful past was haunting me in many ways I can certainly feel God's love in the actions and words of people closest to me. I have disappointed a lot of people with my actions and of course betrayed their trust in me. For all my actions, I'm truly sorry. I hope that one day soon, I would be able to face up to it and say it in person.

So, perhaps CHOICE has made a difference in a more profound manner than I actually thought. For some reason or another, I didn't think that I'd end up writing all this as well as the previous post when I woke up today. But I guess that in order to start any healing process, there is a need to seek forgiveness.

A song that was played recently during the Lenten season, The Prodigal Son stirred something deep inside. I first heard that song some 10 years or so previously when I attended a Mass at my home parish. The next time I heard it was at the funeral of a dear family friend who died a tragic and to a certain extent, lonely death.

The song goes as follows;

Father I have sinned
Help me find my way
Remember not my sins
Just let me hear you say

I forgive you, I love you
You are mine, Take my hands
Go in peace, Sin no more
Beloved one

Father I have turned
My back and walked away
Depended on my strength
And loved life my own way

I forgive you, I love you
You are mine, Take my hands
Go in peace, Sin no more
Beloved one

Father I have closed
My heart to those in need
Thought only of myself
A victim of my greed

I forgive you, I love you
You are mine, Take my hands
Go in peace, Sin no more
Beloved one

Father I have loved
If love is the word to use
I've played so many games
They've left me so confused

I forgive you, I love you
You are mine, Take my hands
Go in peace, Sin no more
Beloved one

Father I've returned
I'm home with you to stay
Standing by your door
Knowing you will say

I forgive you, I love you
You are mine, Take my hands
Go in peace, Sin no more
Beloved one

When I heard the song sung at my friend's funeral, I can only sob uncontrollably. Even until today, whenever I revisit the memories of that sad day by watching a recording of the funeral, I am still moved to shed a tear for him.